Have you ever looked in the mirror at yourself and not recognized the person staring back at you? Where did I go? I see now only a glimpse of the person I used to be. As far back as I can remember, all I ever wanted was to be married and have children. After being told I would NEVER have kids of my own, I let that wish go. Look what happened, I got married and had 3 children in a 2 year period. How lucky am I? How happy, how truly blessed. And yes I am ALL those things. But what happened to me? What happened to the Nicole other people saw? I now see a tried, haggard, middle aged woman with bald spots on her scalp from her hair falling out. I see someone who hasn't had a manicure since she got married, someone who now, even with some makeup would still look like she was trying to fool someone!
I used to be this eccentric, fun, sexy, cute chick. I used to be this girl who dressed stylish and hip. Someone who had the newest clothes or latest shoes. I just realized that I haven't worn "regular" shoes since I got pregnant! I have been in flip flops for 2 years!!!! WTF???
Where did Nicole go? Half the time I don't have anything intelligent to say... I spend 90% of the time talking about the twins or what I need to buy at target. How did this happen to me?
I am truly thankful for finding other twin moms. They are really my outlet. They "understand" and are not judgemental. They don't care if my hair is a mess or if I have spit up stains on my clothes. They like me anyway. Even if I don't like myself right now.
And as I finished my post, I look at my twins as they roll around on the floor giggling. Nothing can make me feel as good as I feel when I hear them giggle. So does it really matter that I "lost" myself??? no probably not :)
